Radical Alterity

I found Radical Alterity to be a very thought provoking novel. There were moments where I connected, moments where I was confused, and moments where that introduced me to thoughts that I had never even considered before. It was a very interesting read but at times the issues that were addressed became overwhelming to take in all at once.
The first issue I would like to discuss was the idea of strangers. This was brought into the novel by saying, “People confide in strangers more easily than to those closest to them. It is a remarkable relationship because the person farthest away also becomes the closest.” It seems so strange that a person could confide in a complete stranger before they confide in a parent or close friend, but I have found myself to be guilty of it many times. With a stranger, you have a clean slate. I have the tendency to believe that a stranger would judge me less because they know less about me. A stranger also has the ability to give more honest feedback, instead of someone close to you having the tendency to tell you what you want to hear. Or as the book states, “A stranger can therefore be an impartial observer, taking the distance needed to observe the conflicts or situations that do not concern him or her in any lasting way.” Where it gets tricky, is what happens when that stranger turns into a close friend after you confide in them? When you think about it, all relationships begin with being complete strangers. I mainly related to this idea because I feel as though my core group of friends that I have today are my friends because I confided in them as strangers, during a crisis. During my senior year of high school, my boyfriend of 3 years moved to Arizona to attend rehab. We both were from the same tiny high school, which meant every one of the 86 students in my class only had one thing to talk about: Eddie leaving and Nicole coping. To escape this I had to turn to strangers. I had just gotten hired at Jamba Juice and ended up confiding in two co-workers that were essentially strangers to me. My confiding in a stranger ended up being the icebreaker for two wonderful friendships. Two of my best friends today, exist solely because they were the strangers that comforted me during a transitional period of my life. How is it that during this time I didn’t turn to my best friend of 18 years or even my 3 best girlfriends from high school? It is not that I am not still close with these individuals, but as different experiences bring you closer to different individuals, it makes me wonder how long this cycle continues until your core group of friends is set for life. As soon as you think you are set, another stranger comes along.
Another section of the novel that really caught my attention was when it spoke of adolescence and parenting. I found the idea of the processes that teenagers and parents go through to be very interesting. The novel states, “A teenager goes through the process of mourning alterity, resigning him or herself to being an Other among others. Parents also go through a process of mourning…the moment when parents must kill the remainder that is inside them, the “wonderful child” that all adults leave behind with regret.” This has actually been an idea I have been thinking about since I moved away for college. When will my parents stop viewing me as a wonderful child? In my situation, after leaving home about a year and a half ago, I began to accept the fact that I will still be a child in their eyes, about the same time that they refused to accept the idea that I am becoming an adult. At the same time, my view towards this might be a little more extreme than others. My mom has been a 2nd grade teacher for over 20 years and probably has the biggest heart of anyone you could possibly imagine. She also has the heart of a child and has always had a love for dolls. In my living room are two 10 foot tall display cabinets, filled with hundreds of porcelain dolls. The day I was born, I became her personal doll. Until about two years ago, I was oblivious to just how spoiled I was, and even more so to just how much my mother adores me. Today, I am so grateful for it that words can’t even begin to describe, but before this I took it for granted. Regardless of my situation, in most cases a child will be more thankful for their parents once they become an adult. The question is, when comes the day that one’s parents realize that they have become an adult? It must be a heart wrenching experience for parents. Essentially, it is the death of their child. This thought makes me never want to have the “I am an adult now” argument with my parents again.
This novel goes on to talk about countless more ideas like this. I could go on an entire other tangent on what was said about technology, but I think I’ll be done for now. The introduction did not lie though…I’m impressed by the “cool thinking” that was presented.